A Midwinter Resolution

The following article appeared in the Cape Cod Times Matter of Faith column on January 30, 2016.

It is the time of year where the glow of fresh resolutions is starting to fade.  War and Peace remains unread; the daily trip to the gym has become weekly; I swear the chocolate chip cookies are a special treat and not a habit.  Our will power has been tested and though I am certain a few hang on, many have left the dreams of a better self by the wayside for another year.

              But it is never too late to make resolutions and I have a one that I would like to suggest, especially in this season of political putdowns: give someone a genuine compliment.   I think we would be happier people and a more generous society if we could learn to point out the good things we see in the people around us especially as we see them.

              Some might read this and think I am in a power of positive thinking phase.  I prefer to think that I am an advocate for paying attention in a new way.  I often hear people paying attention to the irritants around them.  They notice what is not proper, what doesn’t meet their standards.  The lone seed found in a supposedly seedless clementine orange ruins the rest of the fruit.  The sneakers on a teenage acolyte are noticed as she lights the candles but not the gift of her time and effort.

              This is not to say that there is no room or reason for complaint.  I suggest that it is a matter of scale.  The people in Flint, Michigan who have been drinking lead-tainted water for a year have something to complain about and we might be moved to complain with them.  Folks in the Black Lives Matter movement have valid complaints that need to be voiced if things are going to change.  If you are pointing out injustice, if you advocating for the needs of others, let the complaints fly.  If you are griping about what bugs you: a color scheme, a bruised apple, a long wait at the checkout, keep it to yourself or, even better, pay attention to something else.

              When I studied Hebrew in seminary, I remember a discussion of the word hinei (pronounced hi-nay), which often gets translated as “Behold!”  For example, from Psalm 133, “Behold!  How good and pleasant it is when kindred live together in unity!”  However, the word is more an interjection for emphasis than an actual verb, sort of like starting a sentence with “Hey!” or “Yo!”  It is a short word that means, “Pay attention to this moment; these words that follow.  Look over here and take notice of what is happening.”  It is a wonderful word to throw out when the urge to grumble and complain begins.  Hinei!  Pay attention to something else.  Pay attention to what good and beautiful thing is happening around that irritating moment.

              The other week I had to give a blood sample for a physical, something I don’t enjoy and which draws me back to the blood drive my senior year in high school when I passed out in the donation chair.  I remember waking up with a nurse gently slapping my face and me trying to figure out who she was and why she was in my room.  I was certain it was my room at home.  Why would I wake up anywhere else?  When I arrived at the lab, the attendant asked if it was all right for one of the students in training to take my sample.  I hesitated, worried about waking up to another strange person slapping my face, but then agreed.  Hinei!  She did a fine job, or at least as fine a job as one can do jabbing someone in the arm with a needle.  But she only had to jab me once and took the sample quickly.  So I said something like, “I think you did that well.”  She smiled at the compliment and we made a brief connection over a task that probably doesn’t earn too much gratitude.  I like to think that both of our days were a little bit brighter because of it.

               I am not trying to be the hero of my story, rather I wanted to point out that she was a hero to me.  Be sincere.  Don’t force a compliment.  This is not about coming across as good or nice or likeable, but instead pointing out what is good, nice and likeable in the neighbor next to you.

              So that is my suggestion for a midwinter resolution.  Pay attention and notice the kind word and the kind act.  Be generous with compliments and stingy on complaints.   Take the time to acknowledge the beautiful and the good.  Hinei!  Pay attention to the sparkle of sun on snow; to the joy of a warm drink on a cold day; to ever-so-earlier sunrises and ever-so-later sunsets.  Most of all, hinei! pay attention to that person next to you, who may well have some irritating qualities (as do you) but who also has qualities of goodness and beauty and lovingkindness.  Hinei!  Pay attention to the world in a new way.