The Path of Discipleship - Listening with Compassion

One of my favorite book series is the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy  by Douglas Adams.  A character in the series, Ford Prefect, has been living on Earth to write an article for the Hitchhiker’s Guide, an aid for interplanetary travelers.  He develops some interesting ideas about humans along the way as you can read in the following quote from the second book, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe:

      “It is worth repeating at this point the theories that Ford had come up with, on his first encounter with human beings, to account for their peculiar habit of continually stating and restating the very, very obvious, as in "It's a nice day," or "You're very tall," or "So this is it, we're going to die."  His first theory was that if human beings didn't keep exercising their lips, their mouths probably shriveled up.  After a few months of observation he had come up with a second theory, which was this--"If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, their brains start working.”

                The hardest part of listening with compassion is keeping the ears open, the mind calm and the mouth closed.  Often we quickly make a judgement about what someone is saying while they are saying it and then begin to craft a response.  We want to be prepared with an answer to avoid a gap in the conversation, an uncomfortable silence.  In so doing we have stepped away from compassion for the other person, concerned about our own desire to be smart or witty or engaging or to avoid discomfort.

                 Sometimes an answer is not required.  Sometimes a friend will come to you simply needing to talk, to share an experience, to let out a frustration.  Sometimes all that a person needs is your full, ears open, mouth shut, attention.   Respond when they ask or invite you to respond.  Respond primarily to clarify and dig a little deeper.  Compassion allows the other person control over their time and their words. 

                This kind of conversation may seem painfully slow in our world of pundits and talking heads shouting each other down.  Yet where has that kind of communication gotten us?  We end up with weary voices, angry and never quite feeling heard, more concerned about being on the winning side than understanding the person in front of you.  Compassionate listening is not about simply sharing ideas, but sharing one another.  It is a mutual action where I share my full self in both speaking and listening.  I am not trying to judge if my conversation partner is right or wrong, liberal or conservative, winner or loser.  I am trying to encounter this child of God in front of me in lovingkindness.

                This does not mean that I will agree with everything my conversation partner says.  I may be troubled by his or her words.  I may be offended.  Some might counter that silence is implicit approval.  Yet again, this way of communicating is not about constant silence, but patience.  If an idea offends me, can I get to the root of it?  Why is it offensive and where does that come from in me?

                The author of Proverbs wrote “Even fools who keep silent are considered wise; when they close their lips, they are deemed intelligent.”  Compassionate listening involves the ability to be silent, to treat words and ideas with value.  It is the ability to respond to an idea or word rather than reacting with an intellectual counterpunch. 

                In this age when world seems to value people who go with their gut and speak without thinking, God provides a different vision of communication.  We listen; we learn; we respond; all this in compassion and love.